Kim And The Big Bird

I called my mom, panting and gasping, "Big bird, big bird...came after me. Big bird came after me!" My mom told me to calm down and asked if I'd had another one of my bizarre Sesame Street dreams. She's funny like that sometimes. I have had some strange dreams starring Big Bird but this time I was referring to the big bird who had just tried to take my head off at the trash can. I guess it didn't really try to take my head off but I thought it was going to and that's just as bad, especially when one is as phobia prone as I am!

Sam was very sick Thursday and I had to stay home from work with him. After his fever broke, I put him on the couch in the playroom to watch TV with his favorite toys. I started to clean up a little in the kitchen and decided to take the trash out. I stepped outside and carried the trash bag to the large trash receptacle that sits on the corner of the driveway. We keep it as far from the house as we can because we do still have a child in diapers and especially during the summer, it can get fairly malodorous. We have a running joke about the curses the trash man casts our way when he lifts the top on it every Wednesday morning.

I lifted the lid and then I heard it. The unmistakeable flapping of very large wings. Then I saw the shadow and turned and looked skyward. The biggest, blackest bird I've ever seen was flying from it's perch on my roof toward my head. It's wingspan was amazing and I could see it's big legs and feet and they were pointed right at me. That's when I lost my, um, head. I screamed something like, "AaaAaaaaaaaacCcckkkkkkkKkkkkkk!" and fell prostrate on the ground, covering my head with my hands. The bird swooped over the trash and then down almost to the ground a few feet from me then rose into the air again, flapping it's wings all the way. I could feel the air rushing past me. And then it was gone. I jumped up and ran back into the house and that's when I called my mom.

My dad ran out onto the porch and looked through his binoculars and spotted the thing. It had joined about five more and they were circling over my parent's house. Dad said they were buzzards but the one I encountered was the biggest one he'd ever seen. It's body looked big enough to fill a five gallon bucket. I knew that a buzzard was actually something else so I researched it online. It is formally known as the American Black Vulture. I realize now that the big guy was probably sitting there on the corner of the roof, trying to figure out how to get to that yummy smelling "stuff" in my garbage can.

We've all seen them feeding on road kill. They aren't all that menacing when you're about to run them over in your car but they grow to over two feet tall and their wingspan is in excess of five feet. Hovering and flapping in the air above you, they seem more the size of a Shetland pony. Joe thought he was being funny when he said Shetland ponies aren't all that big. I secretly hope one lands on his smartass soon.

I didn't have a camera to capture the moment and even if I had, I was too busy peeing my pants to get a shot so accept this photo I yanked from google images as my gift to you.
And this new blessing I plan to lay on everyone I meet for awhile....May you never have a American Black Vulture try to land on your head.