I've taken my children to the same pediatrician since they were born. He was my pediatrician. He's been practicing at least thirty-five years. Although I never felt comfortable with him, I thought my mom trusted him. He was the person in charge of all poking and prodding and invasive measures and I thought it was only natural to be a little afraid of him. I have a strange sense of loyalty that doesn't make much sense much of the time.
Since their infancy, I've been holding little grudges against this doctor. I've thought numerous times of switching to another doctor but we don't have a bang up selection in our area. Their health insurance has also been a factor in finding another provider close by. They've never been really ill or needed to be hospitalized so I've not pushed the envelope. We show up for our well baby checks and the occasional virus and that's it. I try to be as gracious and patient as possible but I always leave a bit angry. He is curt and abrupt in his manner. He is grabby and punchy. He has no time to validate anything. He has no desire to be questioned.
We worked hard to prepare them for the visit yesterday. We talked and held one another and spoke in hushed tones about our health and why it's important to see the doctor. We snuggled them and told them some things would hurt a bit. We asked them to try to understand it was something that must be done. And they were so brave, in turn. They gathered a menagerie of little animals to take with us to help them cope. They sucked it up and marched in like brave little soldiers. Unfortunately, the doctor and his staff decided to fight dirty.
This was our first visit since everyone became (mostly) potty trained. I was anxious because I've never had to manage them both in a bathroom while trying to collect urine in little plastic cups. The nurse snipped at me when I mentioned my anxiety as she handed the cups to me. I was chastised for making the appointment with that particular time slot if they weren't potty trained. So, I went in and my babies did a great job! I got the pee and we emerged with our heads held high. They were weighed and measured and then it was time for fingersticks to check hemoglobin. I started explaining to the kids what would happen and how it would feel. Z went first. She did...okay. No outright crying but some distress was verbalized as OW OW OWIEEEEeeeeee! S was next. S is a cautious child. He doesn't rush into anything and he needs a moment to warm up to new ideas. He backed away and was trying to stutter something out when she grabbed him and socked it to him in one fell swoop. He cried just a bit but he fell silent when she said, "You'll see a lot of blood in life, kid. You better get used to it." She left us then to wait for the doctor and stew in our own juices.
I tried to get them pumped up again. I wanted them to stay strong. The end was in sight. I explained what the doctor would do. I even showed them some of the tools he would use. They didn't seem stoked but they settled down, until the doctor opened the door. Z is afraid of him, plain and simple. She freaks out every time she sees him. From day one, she loses it. I know it. She knows it. The doctor knows it. During these times, I go to my special place. I retreat into my nurse head. Sometimes, for the overall good, one must experience things that are unpleasant and frightening. This holds doubly true for health care. When I was an ER nurse, we would get children who were the victims of abuse or terrible accidents. I would hope the act of treating some of these children was not more traumatic to them than the initial injury. You have to believe you are doing the right thing when you restrain a child for a procedure that you know could be the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to them. Personally, I was able to bear the baby screaming for it's mama because I wanted to make sure it would have the opportunity to be with her again. That and the knowledge the sedation would kick in very soon.
There were no sedatives in the doctor's office. From his actions and words, the doc needed it more than the rest of us. He instantly seemed peeved at her reaction. He grabbed her and dropped her off the table onto the floor. He told her not to have a fit. He moved on to S. He poked and prodded S. S recoiled but did not resist and he did not cry. He flinched and ducked and the doctor just kept working him over. When he finished, he smacked Sam on the cheek and pinched his nose hard enough to make it blanch. He must be under the impression those moves constitute kidding around. Not once did he warn or educate S. Not once.
S left the room with the nurse for his hearing test and we moved on to Z. She had a death grip on me. Her screams were deafening. He was just as gentle with her as with S. Her ear was impacted with wax and he had to remove it with a curette. It took all of us to hold her. MAMAMAMA MAMAMAMA MAMAMAMA! I put my head down close to her head and tried to use my nurse sense but she looked me in the eye and said help me. I couldn't stay quiet. I had to soothe her. They chastised me for doing so. That's when I realized that I could not be a strong advocate for my children when dealing with these people. I am still intimidated by this old worn out doctor who should've retired a long time ago. I made the decision to find a new pediatrician at once. Oh, and I got my baby off of that table.
We won't need shots for one more year so that's a plus. S passed his testing for pre-school, too! And now, I really have a new awareness of what I want from the person handling the health needs of my children. I want a doctor to handle them gently in both a physical and emotional capacity. I want someone who will talk to them. I also want someone to talk to me! I want someone to turn to me and ask about things such as diet and discipline and temperament. I want someone I can like and trust. I will not allow our needs and anxieties to be dismissed again. As a nurse and a mother, I have a keen awareness of the problems plaguing our health care system. I know it's hard to find time, patience, or money for anything these days. I am willing to compromise in most situations but this is not one of them. Any time someone complains to me about care received, I say A doctor is only as good as his or her patient. I think it's time I follow my own advice.
