I know what you're thinking. Is that her ass? No! It is décolletage. I do not usually share photos of my bosom but I needed a visual aid for this little story...
When I divorced my first husband, I did not feel as free and easy as I'd imagined I would. I did not dance a jig. I did not live every day with gusto. I sank into a dark depression. I entertained thoughts of ending it all. I made very poor choices. This tattoo was the least of the bad choices but just as lasting.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love two out of three of my tattoos. And as you know, Meatloaf says two out of three ain't bad. I have one on each ankle and I like to catch a glimpse of one of them from time to time. It reminds me of my youth when I was tough and rowdy. But the one on my left breast...it reminds me of bad times.
I wanted a phoenix. I wanted a normal life again. I wanted to rise from the ashes. Trouble was, the guy didn't have a phoenix. And to compound the problem, neither of us were sober. What to do? It felt like the end of the world. I grabbed a sharpie and sketched a dove going down in flames. He said he liked it and I perked up. I sort of wanted to sleep with him. He said he would do the tattoo for $35. On a whim, I told him to add the word "Survivor" and that was that. He asked what I'd survived and I said, "my ex-husband." I never did sleep with the tattoo guy and I never have been pleased with the tattoo.
Many times since I did rise from my ashes, I've wondered what on earth I was thinking. People mistake it to say "Saviour" or if they do read it correctly, they ask if I'm a big Beyonce fan. Recently, Joe has started to tease me about these guys. If he sings Eye Of The Tiger to me one more time, I swear I will be forced to do something drastic!
I guess if you think about it just right, it has become a symbol of all I've endured and a whole lot of self-made trouble. A symbol, not only of a failed marriage but of all the poor decisions one can make along the way. And maybe even a symbol of how one can rise above anything.
Even a bad tattoo.
