...and this may well be our last trip to Pigeon Forge for a long time.
My parents own a time-share condo in Pigeon Forge (P.F.), Tennessee. They bought it in 1991 but even before that, we spent many vacations there. So, I am tired of it. But the kids were not. They begged to return this year to the Land of Dolly with their grandparents in tow.
Who were we to deny them their summer wishes?
We arrived the weekend of the 4th of July so it was even brighter and flashier than usual. Lots of "God Bless America" signs were used and I believe the Tennesseans really mean it. They build lots of very large crosses at churches on the side of the mountain and some houses had strobing neon crosses in the yard. It left me nearly speechless. I will say the fireworks display was stunning. I'll give them that. But I don't have a photo of those.
I do have a photo of this.
This is an ice cream bear in it's natural habitat.
And this is my snookums just before he forbade me to post the one of him pretending to lick it.
In fact, here's a couple more of him to make up for the difference:
I wish we could've bought some "FUN" here but unfortunately, they have gone out of business.
Enough of Joe and his mustache. Let's get started on the play-by-play!
-DAY ONE-
Otherwise known as The Day Of Nausea
Joe took Sam to the Nascar Speedpark. After riding go-carts, Sam insisted they play TWO courses of putt-putt. It was about 2pm, very sunny and 93 degrees. Needless to say, Sam came very close to heat exhaustion and referred to the Powerade his Dad bought as "the thing that saved me." He was a bit crummy for the rest of the day and he swore off go-carts for the rest of the trip. We couldn't convince him it was the heat that did it to him.
I took Zoe to the pool and she had soon made many friends. And faces. And requested a new swim suit her "belly can hang out" of, like the other girls. We all have to aspire to something.
-DAY TWO-
Otherwise known as The Day Of Trauma.
This was
my bright idea. The premise:
"Tomb takes your group of archaeologists deep into an ancient Egyptian tomb for 45 minutes of excitement. Guests find themselves trapped by the spirit of an ancient Pharaoh, faced with ingenious challenges that must be completed for any chance of making it out alive. Your group must work together to find success in this battle of wits, or face the Pharaoh's wrath! If you fail, you may never escape!"
I LOVE haunted houses that have lots of secret passages and "puzzles" to figure out. I'm not much on chainsaws and gore but I really enjoy some problem solving. I blame Scooby Doo. And Sam's been an Indiana Jones fan since birth! I specifically asked if it was age appropriate for my 5 and 6 year olds. I was told it
was and that there "is one little spot where it goes pitch-black for about 20 seconds so that may get to them but nope, they're good to go!" The fella was really young and really cute and he also said age 5 and under received free admission. I may not have been thinking clearly. I had no idea it was not a win-win situation.
Well, let's just say they're free so you can afford the intensive therapy afterward. Jesus....
It was a very cool place but there was deafening sounds, strobing lights, ceilings slowly descending, pyrotechnics, floors dropping by so many inches, a tour guide who hammed it up and kept screaming about impending death. And my two babies. Zoe was more terrified than she has ever been. She was chanting little prayers into my ears and rocking and sobbing SOBBING with me trying so hard to convince her it was a ride, a game, that they wouldn't kill people lest no one else buy a ticket....and all of those people just looked at us like we were HORRIBLE parents and ruining their good time. Sam was frantic to solve the puzzles but this wasn't 6 yr old puzzle solving. And the A/C didn't seem to work during the "trapped" episodes. Joe was sweating bullets and shooting daggers from his eyes. OH, and in the midst of all this
fun chaos, I realize Zoe's heart is pounding, erratically. And then I remember her arrhythmia. There were no warning signs about it and we were told she has no special limitations but SWEET JESUS! This thing was 45 minutes long, you know?
Obviously, we all survived. The ending was cool in more ways than one when the A/C kicked back in. But when we stumbled back out into the light, the children insisted we hold them close for ten minutes before they could go on to the car. Zoe verbalized a valuable lesson learned when she said, "Mama, that was stupid scary. I'll never trust a teenager again." Cute boy who looked like Brian Bloom overheard her. But he didn't care. Later on their Facebook page they posted this:
"Since we already scare little kids (and some adults) to death, we are thinking about putting together a special haunted Tomb tour for Halloween. What does everyone think?"
Sigh.
DAY THREE
Otherwise known as The Charm
Magiquest was fun. You buy a wand and gain entry to a life-sized video game. You're given a book with tasks to be completed. You cast your wand and the sensors in what you cast on open the treasure chest. Seriously cool. I would like to point out that even though we did not accomplish all of the tasks, the girls accomplished more than the boys. And now the wand is good to play any Magiquest, anywhere. Whoopee.
Then we went gem mining! Old Dude showed us around his establishment then set us up with a lovely bucket of treasure-filled sand. Old Dude was something else. He was like Shaggy, if Shaggy came from Appalachia. (Scooby's buddy not the Jamaican dude.)
When we were finished with the mining part, he showed off his 1965 Mack Fire Truck to us.
After finding many valuable gemstones and fossils and trying out the siren on the truck, we were forced to seek refuge from the heat. We made a bee-line for the nearest ice creamery!
*** I've been forced to make this one a two-parter. I just cannot let it sit in draft any longer. I must make room to write about a bunch of crappy stuff!***
