The Spirit Of The Spectacle

The place was packed.
There were coolers and mixers and chasers everywhere.
Folks meant they were going to party with Elvis.

(Before the end of the evening, we would see two broken chairs,
a couple of falls, some boobies and lots of old lady panties.)

I'm not even kidding.

It had a strong VFW kind of feel to it.
I'm not sure but once I thought I could smell urine. It could've been tequila.
We were not the youngest but we were in the minority, so you get my drift.

I was impressed with his signage and Joe was truly tickled by the whole affair.

See how amused he looks?

Elvis took the stage at 7:15 wearing a powder blue bedazzled jumpsuit.

The guy turns out to be about 60 years old. 

His hair is white but they spray it black for performances.

Which is why it absorbs all the light of the flash.

I can't explain the eyeliner.

I was both horrified and mystified by the whole affair.

The man sounded great. He really did have a perfect Elvis voice.

And he was in good shape for sixty. 

Joe thought he was awesome. 

He's been practicing his hip swivel, karate chop and claw fingers ever since.

I'm telling you, it was like an acid trip.

When one of our lunchroom ladies stood up and bobbled her boobies at him, I had to take my leave.

Even Joe threw his arm up in front of his face and screamed, "EASY!" when her boobies came out.

This woman had a stroke a year or so ago, I swear!

I ran off to the bathroom.

When I returned, I found a number of the ladies from our table on stage with Elvis preparing to do the Cupid Shuffle.

A Cupid shufflin' Elvis, you say?!?!?

Yes. Behold.

And then Elvis got real tired. He kept saying, "Whew" and mopping his brow with scarves. Someone asked why Elvis was so tired and someone else screamed out, "Well, Hell! He's dead, ain't he?" So they sat this old Elvis guy down and brought out a huge birthday cake with candles. The real deal would have celebrated his 76th birthday on the 8th had he not had that unfortunate turn of events on the toilet. Elvis would be your grandpa now! Our old Elvis guy took it in stride, blew out the candles and helped serve cake to the crowd. Then he went on and on and on with the show.

To be honest with you, even Joe agreed he went on 20 minutes too long. Including the encore.

I just wanted him to finish. I might have hollered that out at the end.

And...... he...... did..... finally...... finish.

Then he left the building.