The art teacher called in sick and they needed one more pumpkin to display at the Performing Arts Center tonight. Nurse Kim and her pink pig to the rescue. Too bad I can't get paid for decorating pumpkins.
We have to decorate pumpkins for the care home's Halloween Party.I have a feeling mine will pale by comparison. Last time I did one a couple of years ago I just gouged three holes in it with a spoon (for eyes and mouth) like a cannibal eating a human head for breakfast.
My Dear All this Trouble, I understand perfectly that you are, indeed, a girl and I have always held the finest appreciation for both girls and the weird-ass arts and crafts for which all of you seem to have such a strong propensity. My point here is, in relation to the so-called “Homometer,” not to indicate anything even remotely related to sexuality or even gender issues but to establish a sort of coded language, a binomial nomenclature if you will, that will allow me to use certain semantic turns to express feelings of sarcasm and derision without having to resort to the more cumbersome and pedestrian methods that so many people end up using here on the interweb. Let me assure you that if I ever refer to something as “Queer” or “Gay” it has nothing to with same-sex relations but speaks more to a cultural or anthropological phenomenon and is indicative of a subject that possesses dubious qualities; not all of which are necessarily positive. And, as much as these pumpkins set off the Homometer…well, at least it’s not like you’re raising caterpillars or something. That would snap the needle off instantly.
4 comments:
The Homometer just went haywire...again.
OK. Let me set you straight...
I AM A GIRL
Girls like arts and crafts. Girls like pink. Girls like to paint.
Your fear of all that is girly is it's own indicator, in my opinion.
We have to decorate pumpkins for the care home's Halloween Party.I have a feeling mine will pale by comparison. Last time I did one a couple of years ago I just gouged three holes in it with a spoon (for eyes and mouth) like a cannibal eating a human head for breakfast.
I am an unpleasantly angry man, though.
My Dear All this Trouble,
I understand perfectly that you are, indeed, a girl and I have always held the finest appreciation for both girls and the weird-ass arts and crafts for which all of you seem to have such a strong propensity. My point here is, in relation to the so-called “Homometer,” not to indicate anything even remotely related to sexuality or even gender issues but to establish a sort of coded language, a binomial nomenclature if you will, that will allow me to use certain semantic turns to express feelings of sarcasm and derision without having to resort to the more cumbersome and pedestrian methods that so many people end up using here on the interweb.
Let me assure you that if I ever refer to something as “Queer” or “Gay” it has nothing to with same-sex relations but speaks more to a cultural or anthropological phenomenon and is indicative of a subject that possesses dubious qualities; not all of which are necessarily positive.
And, as much as these pumpkins set off the Homometer…well, at least it’s not like you’re raising caterpillars or something. That would snap the needle off instantly.
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