Motherlovin'

I really did have a lovely Mother's Day with my family and friends.

My parents always plant a rose as my Mother's day gift.
The saw-tooth edge of the leaves held the morning dew like a crown of jewels.

We began our morning on the patio with chalk.

We moved to the front porch to dress and redress the big guy.

We went in for "PB&J in HDb"

After lunch, the kids made a big mess.

They abandoned the fort soon after to make more beautiful sidewalk art.

I didn't want it to end.
Zoe didn't want to put her pants back on.

Every day with these two is a gift.

I'd also like to share the candle holder Sam made for me in school.
Baby food jar + tissue paper bits + glue +ribbon = A delighted mama!

Stomp-Wiggle

If you watch nothing else today, watch this.



His daddy pleaded with me on his behalf, but I was unable to keep this little gem to myself.

After Many Years Of Resistance

This song made me a Joan Baez fan after many, many years of resistance.





*I don't want to beat you nice, intelligent folks in the head but in case you don't know, she's talking about Mr. Big Brass Bed.

Break On Through

The windows in our bedroom gave the worker men trouble. The windows were broken accordingly. A large amount of glass fell to the floor. I found a large triangular shard propped vertically against the baseboard in the hallway three days after we cleaned up the mess. It could've run through my whole family at once. It was that large.

I was given a couple of weeks of grace and then? You're wondering who the blood belongs to, aren't you? Well, it ain't the blood of the chosen one; It's mine. I got shanked in the foot. Technically, I was shivved. it is a glass shiv. A shank is made of metal whereas a shiv may be made of anything; even a sharpened pork chop bone. I'd never make it in prison but it never hurts to be informed.


I'd just answered the phone when I stood up and sunk it in the sole of my left foot. Pow! Fuck! Ow! The worst thing was that it hesitated and then popped through. It makes me a little green around the gills even now. So it was in. I hung up the phone and called Joe to come help me.

He did. I sat on the side of the bed and told him to pull it out. He did not hesitate. He reached and pulled it out as a reflex. The blood went everywhere but he had no towel. I grabbed the bed sheet and applied pressure. He ran into the bathroom. I stood up and lost my shit. I became painfully aware of being faint. I'm a fainter so I was not surprised. I was, however, about to pass out. I turned back toward the bed and lurched forward into the warm soft sand. The sun was so warm on my skin and I could hear the ocean waves rolling onto shore. The seagulls began to call my name. They began to sound a lot like Joe. My lips, hands and feet tingled. I looked down and felt myself back on the bed and pulling my dress down over my ass.

***I really hope dying is just like this.
I just want to fade out to bliss. If only for a moment.***

I asked if I'd passed out and Joe confirmed I had. He said I fell across the bed and my hands and feet twitched. He thought I was having a seizure. He said he almost called 911. I'm glad he didn't do that. That would've been embarrassing. I'm embarrassed enough as it is.

When I asked Joe if I did anything foolish or embarrassing while incapacitated, he denied any such behavior. A few days after the event, his story changed. The moment of danger had passed and he'd had a few beers. We were talking about what happened when he referenced my "nice trim job". I didn't catch on at first. Finally, he admitted to getting a nice look while I was passing out with my dress over my head.

I can only hope it was crowned in glory like this glass fragment.

Blood, sex, glass fragments and never a dull moment!

I'm Thinkin' Pink Floyd

Sam discovered a rainbow on the carpet this morning. I explained the light was refracting.
The cut glass in the door acted like a prism.

He came home and after discussing it with his dad, he drew this nifty rainbow pyramid.
I did listen to gobs of Pink Floyd while pregnant with him...

Paneful vs. Paneless

The old windows were full of panes. The wooden framing was a fright to paint and they were energy robbers. They had to go but they've been there for 37 years. They resisted...


In the end, they lost the battle. But don't worry! I have plenty of dust, glass fragments and splinters to remember them by. Paned vinyl windows are very easy to clean but I decided to go for solid panel windows. I like the view and they're even easier to clean. We seem to be the only folks around with these windows. I am sure we'll start a trend.

The playroom is finally rid of the termite-riddled wall.

Priming

and

painting

...are well underway and I can't wait to start the mural.

The end is in sight.

It Was Almost Perfect

The woman said she loved her mom more now than she had as a child. I feel the same way.


I know now how hard it was, how hard I was to mother. Anyone would've had difficulty.
Once, she told me I was her reason for living and I carved her up with my sharp tongue.
"...then I suggest you find yourself some hobbies. Maybe you could take up ceramics again?"

And the world turned...

As she'd predicted then, I became a mother myself. A mother who now knows the sting of a child's cool regard. And there is nothing worse. My eldest did not call nor did he write for Mother's Day. His birthday was last month and I sent a card with $50. The check cleared the bank but I heard nothing from him. Nothing.

He is thirteen now. He is a teenager. His voice is changing. He did not come to visit during Spring Break. He will not come for a visit this summer. We will not see him again until Christmas, if he has his way. He moved to be with his Dad three years ago now. I still cannot believe I am living a large part of my life without him in the mix. How does a Mother live with seeing her child about 20 days out of the year? Personally, I try not to think of it. I push it back into the corners a million times a day. Sam and Zoe keep me pleasantly distracted and I thank the powers that be for that!

At precisely 7:32 am on Sunday, May 9th, my daughter walked into my bedroom and wished me a "Happy Happy Mudder's Day, Mama!" Then she went back to bed and she and her brother gave us exactly an hour and a half to celebrate. We spent time with all the Grandmothers. We jumped on the trampoline with our friends. We drew with the sidewalk chalk until it was all gone. We had a special dinner. We had a special time and it was almost perfect.

But it wasn't. My very first baby was on a fishing trip with his other mother. He told me last night when I broke down and called him. I was strong. I am still his mother whether he cares or not. I told him I was surprised and disappointed not to hear from him. I told him my feelings were hurt. He huffed back that he was fishing...then, he apologized for not calling. We moved on.

(Imagine a really cool and poignant segue inserted here)

Zoe suffered her own little personal tragedy this Mother's Day. Her porcelain doll from Granny Carter had a terrible accident. Her "mommy", Zoe, fell on her and crushed her knee with her own. I did all I could to save the leg but it was too far gone.

The children had many questions concerning the loss of one's limb. We discussed amputees, stumps and phantom pains. That's when I realized how much I have in common with this well-loved doll.

My experience of Motherhood has made me what I am today.
For me, it is the definition of bittersweet.

I am forever changed.

They are forever loved.

I'm A Proud Former Choral Member

This brought me very close to laughing my very own ass off this morning.

(Thanks, Brian. I needed this!)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Voices of the world, unite!
(Fist pump)

But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

We are smack dab in the middle of The Remodel, Part 1: A John With A View.

Joe's uncle is and has been rebuilding the playroom wall, replacing all of the windows in the house, removing one toilet, moving one toilet from the large bathroom to the small bathroom, moving mom's toilet from her house to my house and into the large bathroom, installing a new handicap accessible toilet at mom's, and various other "small jobs" here and there. It's been going on now for just a little bit.

It's got me quietly frantic. I have some social ineptitude and some anxiety to go along with that. That spills into having guests over. And that spills into having repairmen, painters, pest control guys drop in...pretty much anyone who isn't directly related to me, (or Melody, Leah and Ed) sets me off into a high sort of panic. It's weird. Anyway, it skeeves me out to have them in my bedroom. Not Melody, Leah and Ed! I mean..... the workmen. I dislike intruders.

There. I said it.

The intruders have a job to do nonetheless and they've been doing it. I've been doing a very good job of avoiding the chaos by spending my time on the front porch, smoking too many cigarettes. I was rewarded with quite the view the evening they did the switcharoo on our johns. John, Buddha and the moonlight. Actually, it's not moonlight. It's a light from the bedroom window across the street. They probably turned it on to get a better look at my front yard!

I don't like it, the new toilet. It feels wrong to my butt. It's not right. The previous toilet took up residence here in this house exactly 37 years. You can't disregard that easily, even for the sake of water conservation and consistent waste removal. Change, change, change! You know how I'm all about change? I don't think my convictions apply to toilets.

Goofy Goddesses

During prep for this weekend's festival, we got a wild hair to photograph our latest belly cast.
We don't get around to photographing things like we should so we felt it was a prime opportunity. Leah manned the camera.
And boy, oh boy!
She took some real gems of me.

By the way, do you like that outfit? Black socks with no shoes really completes it, I think.
We were elbow deep in putty, caulk, primer and paint when Leah arrived, if it's any excuse.

This was the first time I'd seen the cast since Leah painted it. It was green with antiquing and a faded brown flower/vine. It's beautiful but I teased her and expressed my concern that it would look like a decomposing body. So in that vein, we decided to lay it in the yard.


First the ivy, then the clover. Fun, fun, fun... It took many tries to get that beauty of a photo in the previous post. And I still altered the colors somewhat in Photoshop.


We had plenty of fun being goofy. Leah thought we should get it with the bark of the Crepe Myrtle but the more we tried, the more finish we lost. Oopsie! More Polyurethane!


Then she wanted me to act as if I was standing behind one of those photo boards that you put your head in at Disney and Dollywood. I did my best.

And here is the end result.

Isn't that something?