Dying Of Embarrassment

You might be wondering what ever became of my heart palpitations and such. Yes, well, I'm not anemic and my sodium and potassium are as they should be. My thyroid levels are, however, terrible. I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. One of my levels should be <35>1,000. Impressive, huh? That means for lack of a better way to explain it, my thyroid gland is eating itself. Yeah, it's cool and horrifying all at once, isn't it? The Doctor restarted my medication at a very low dose and will titrate upwards according to lab results every 10-12 weeks. The thyroiditits is most likely the palpitation culprit. She also ordered an ECHO of my heart. It's an ultrasound to check my murmur and make sure my mitral valve hasn't prolapsed.

The guy at the imaging center called me around 9am on Thursday and asked if I could move up my appointment from 3pm to 10:15am. He had a nice voice and I instantly wanted him to be happy. So I ducked out of work for my test. I arrived and was promptly shown back to the table. The guy was nice and attractive. He wasn't too hairy. I liked him...until he handed me a gown and told me to remove my bra and top and leave my gown opened at the front. I guess I didn't realize I'd have to bare The Girls. Uterine ultrasounds are fun! This already didn't seem fun. I put on the damn gown and it was obvious Paris Hilton left it there earlier. I didn't know gowns came in triple extra zero. It looked a mess. I couldn't stop thinking about Anna Nicole Smith during the height of her unfortunate weight gain. I wanted to be drunk or dead, just like her. I looked in the drawer for a size 16 but I was wearing the last one and I knew I was doomed. Then he knocked so I jumped up on the table. He came in and I tried really hard not to think about my muffin top. He asked me to lie back and I did. Then he asked me to turn all the way onto my left side and face him, propped up on my arm Burt Reynolds Bear Rug style. That's when I really went a little bit crazy inside my head. You've seen a photo of a BBW reclining on her side in some manner of undress, right? The Girls were free, the muffin top was more muffiny and I tried to retreat inside my head. He put jelly on me and attached an electrode to the top of my muffin, he put more electrodes on The Girls even though they tried to swing away from him with all their might. I prayed for Anna Nicole to show me the way.

He was sitting in a chair immediately in front of me and he was a talker. He talked and talked and talked but I couldn't concentrate on anything but the woman screaming in horror inside my skull. He also attempted many, many times to make eye contact. I think he wanted to make me more comfortable but that was impossible. He finished with the first half of the test and asked me to lean back "ever so slightly then arch your back a little for me" and that's when he went beneath my left breast with the transducer. He jiggled it a couple of times before he found the spot. When he seemed satisfied with the placement, I realized my boob was sitting right on top of his not-too-hairy hand. And then suddenly, he was handing me tissues for the jelly removal and it was over. I tried to hang around inside the room after he walked out. I hoped to avoid any more contact but when I peeked around the door, there he stood. Smiling, nodding and shaking my hand, he told me he didn't see anything of alarm during the ECHO and it was "nothing to worry about."

I called Joe when I was in the van on the way back to work. I told him I didn't think I was dying from mitral valve prolapse but that I was dying of embarrassment. I recounted the events and he replied, "Well, there's nothing like getting naked in front of a stranger to help you get your priorities in order." I could've kicked him for that! But then he said, "I love your boobs, babe." After he said that, I couldn't hate him, or that poor guy in the dimly lit imaging room, anymore.

I'm going to take this as a personal message from Anna Nicole. I think she's trying to tell me it's better to be healthy than thin but I won't become either of those by feeling sorry for myself.

Handsome Family Inspiration

Drawing inspired by the Handsome Family's song...

The Sad Milkman

Above the dark highways
on a black tar roof
stood the sad milkman
in love with the moon.

She filled up his window
with soft milky light
till he crawled up the chimney
and into the night.

But, the moon she rises
and the moon she falls
and her slow white eye
sees nothing at all.

Down on the sidewalk
a crowd gathered round
flinging up bricks and bottles
to knock the boy down.

He stood up above them
with his hands in the air
calling up to the moonbeams,
"Come let down your hair."

He wanted to feel
like a bucket of milk
or sweet summer wind
on rolling, green hills.

He wanted to fly
up from the roof
sailing up through the night wind
to the arms of the moon.

Space

Last night, I carved out a little niche for myself in our bedroom. The desk is usually where I sit but because of poor power cord placement and piles of junk, it was a rough spot to do anything creative. Formerly, the glass shelves were adorned with greenery and frou-frou. I hate dusting and it was covered in a copious amount of dander and dirt. I cleaned the shelves and put my art supplies on them. I hung a memo board and clipped on a lamp and reworked the space. It's nice now and it's mine. I did my first bit of art there last night.

School Daze

Hi!
Just want to let you know how Sam's doing in regards to going potty at school. He's not! :) He still refuses to go; the only thing that has changed is that we make him wait with everyone else instead of letting him play while everyone else goes. We always ask Sam if he has to go and he always says no. We also tell him that if he goes potty, he can then go play instead of waiting, but that doesn't work - at least not yet. Oh, well.

There are other areas we are seeing improvement... we were finally able to get him to say his Bible verse (we knew he knew it, he just wouldn't say it), and also to pay attention during circle time instead of playing with his shoes (Sam does not want to sit with a baby blanket in his lap!). We have five more months to see how far he can go this year!

Our Christmas party is next Wednesday. Invitations should go out this Wednesday. We have some fun stuff planned, so I hope one of y'all can make it!

I received the above email from Sam's teacher just before Christmas.

Cake

Don't Be That Guy, Zoe.

My daughter is a force to be reckoned with. She's like an act of God, really...with a little bulldozer, bullhorn and bull-head mixed in for good measure. She's two and a half now and I don't know how much longer I can hold out. The other day, I found her standing in a pile of shattered glass, barefoot. They took the pictures off the wall in the playroom while I was cleaning up the mess they'd made in their bedrooms. Then, and this is only a guess, someone stepped on them. I heard screams of protest so I hurried to the door. Then I saw her. She was blood stained and OBLIVIOUS. They were fighting over who got to stand in the glass.

I
AM
NOT
KIDDING.

Sometimes I look at her and think of that guy at parties who always drinks too much, screams obscenities and puts a part of his body through something hurty and pokey before the end of the evening.


Don't be that guy, Zoe. We're going to work on it together, sweetheart.

Note: Sam was not injured in the latest episode of destruction. Zoe received one small cut on her toe that required lots of shaking, crying mommy love. That's right, I cried. She almost scared me to death. I'm beginning to think the children might be the cause of my heart palpitations.

Fun With Watercolor

This is me with Joe.
We are both hairless.
I'm the one with the big blue rear.

Isn't watercolor fun?

Sunday Sharing: Plastique Monkey

Plastique Monkey

Enjoy...

My Way

Photo courtesy Ten Frozen Toes

You know how sometimes... when you least expect it, something is seen, said or done that has a profound effect on you?

This is a super fancy awesome photo and I think just about anyone would appreciate it but it spoke to me when I saw it. I had one of those moments.

We're asked to describe and evaluate ourselves, list the stats, identify a favorite, complete all memes, update the file, strip buck ass naked and lay our very souls bare. Maybe that last one is a little overly dramatic but I've had an epiphany. I won't share it with you because it's personal and private and I'd like to keep it that way. I will tell you this photograph illustrates my thoughts, my actions and my life perfectly. And I don't want to hear any jokes pertaining to my latest brush with electricity and how that might have affected my "moment of clarity".

Bigfoot Is A Hard Hitter

Joe walked through the door last night with something on his mind. Our friends were over for dinner and as he stepped into the kitchen he said there was something I needed to know. Before Joe could say anything else, C.S. spoke up with his best guess. "You're having an affair!" I chimed in with something much more emotionally and financially pleasing. "We won the lottery!" Leah took it one step further and asked if he'd seen a UFO. Silas just said, "Da-da", and twirled his little hands as if conducting a symphony.

Turns out we were all wrong. He told us he'd hit Sasquatch on his way home. Not Sasquatch the Yeti but a deer named Sasquatch. We all jumped up to survey the damage. On the way to the carport we surmised it mustn't be too bad because Joe seemed relatively calm and unscathed. As you can see from the photo it isn't that bad but it isn't that good either. Unfortunately, it doesn't do justice to the small tufts of hair tucked into the nooks and crannies.

We have a $200 deductible on our insurance. I've just been dying to spend a couple of hundred bucks somewhere other than Wal-Mart and this sure does take the guesswork out of it. We're taking it to the body shop in the morning.

I can't wait.

To Make A Long Story Longer

Monday, I plugged in a lamp from crazy Aunt Shirley. It spit out fire and brimstone and soot and knocked me on my rear. My arm tingled a little. I thought of how lucky I was not to have been zapped to death. I had two tiny burns on my thumb that looked like a snake bite but that was the extent of my injuries. So I got up and threw the lamp into the trash bin. (Sorry, all my "green" friends. I can't take any chances with my home or my children and I'm not handy enough to replace the light kit.) I carried on with my day and didn't think anything else about it. I didn't tell a soul it happened. Who would care that much about a "shorty" lamp or what it did to me, anyway?

Well, later on Monday I noticed some heart palpitations while I was reaching above my head for something. I put my arms down and waited. Then I put them back up and oddly enough, it started again. I called Leah. I told her I was having these weird heart things but only when I raised my arms above my head. We decided I should just keep my arms down. We're REALLY something when we put our heads together. It happened again a time or two that evening but I ruled out the raised arms as a trigger. It just happened...any old time, any old place. I went to bed and hoped it would stop.

Yesterday wasn't too bad but the flip-flops continued. When Sam crawled into bed with us at 3am I got up to pee. When I attempted to return to the bed, Zoe was there, too. Joe went to her bed and I went to the sofa. As I was lying down, I had a chest quaker that almost made me feel faint. That's when I accepted something was definitely going on with me, with my heart. My HEART, people! AAAACKKKKKKK!

But I remained calm in real life (unlike when I said "ACK!" above in blogland) and fell back to sleep. I started counting the events promptly upon arising this morning and had twenty-two of them by 1pm. I theorized that:
a) My thyroid has gone bonkers again. (Dr took me off medicine over a year ago.)
b) My electrolytes levels were off. (I've been using a salt substitute which is primarily potassium sulfate.)
c) I'm consuming too much caffeine or alcohol or both.
d) Years of unclean living damaged my heart.
e) All of the above

I called my doctor and they made an appointment for me a week from today. Why get in a hurry, right? We only have $85.10 in our bank account today, anyway. How would I pay for a more timely visit?

A distraction was in order. I began reading an article in the newspaper about a house fire possibly caused by a vacuum sparking when plugged in and that's when it hit me, like a bolt of.....well....electricity! The shock from the lamp immediately preceded my ticker flip-flops. I realized I could've cardioverted and that can cause serious, life threatening arrhythmias. I went in for a late afternoon appointment and wrote them a check for the $30 co-pay. It shouldn't clear until after Joe gets paid tomorrow.

The good news is that my EKG was normal. My BP was excellent. I've lost weight! They drew blood to check for anemia, thyroid levels, and electrolytes. The bad news is that I have a heart murmur. A loud one I've never had before. I know because I've specifically been told in the past I didn't have even a whisper of a murmur. She also said I will probably need to wear a monitor for a day or so. The EKG was perfect but I didn't have any symptoms the entire time I was in the office. Isn't that always the case? It's like trying to get the kids to sing a song for company and they go deaf and dumb before your very eyes. The Doc told me it wasn't uncommon to have a run of arrhythmia for about 72 hours after a shock. On average they subside within the first three days.

That's what I'm hoping for.
Hope with me.
I have babies.

Where Does Burt End And The Bear Begin?

My crazy Aunt Shirley is still sending things our way. The items just keep getting weirder. She sent a number of rugs but they're not what you may think. No orientals, no indoor/outdoor- just animals and I'm not referring to the print. Nope. They're shaped like animals but are not animal fur. Fake fur rugs and they're all white or cream colored. Zoe snapped up the fluffy white dog, complete with floppy ears and red gingham bow, for her room. The other one is a bit of a monstrosity, to tell the truth. I think they were going for Polar bear but because it has no head, it comes off as a furry alligator. We tried it in front of the fireplace but I don't know, it's just too much, you know?

As we were sitting on the sofa the other night, I had a stroke of genius. I asked Joe if he was familiar with Burt's Cosmo centerfold and he said he was. I suggested he disrobe and let me photograph him. That's when he jumped up and ran away. No, not really...but almost. He's very modest and I'm sure he could just see the newest blog entry complete with illustrations and high definition photographs. But honestly, that was not my intention. And you know, he's my husband so it's not like I don't get all the "premium" glances I need. I told him the pictures could be for him. When he's eighty, he could reflect on his hot, manly physique and feel proud of his, um...I don't know, centerfoldishness. He then explained to me that he didn't plan to live that long nor did he plan to sit around looking foolish by looking at pictures of himself looking foolish.

So, no pictures (yet).
I've heard perseverance is an art.

Downturn Drama

The Governor of Georgia, Sonny Perdue, has put forth a budget proposal for 2009-2010 to remove all state funding for school nurses. At the moment, our county has a nurse in every school. We are paid from these state funds but the county kicks in a bit more to cover our particular pay scale. State law only calls for one nurse for the entire school system.

This is not good news. I feel as though a bell is tolling somewhere. Didn't I just tell you how much I love my job? But I'm not surprised... Joe is a graphic designer and has been worried about his job security for some time now. He's watched a number of co-workers lose their jobs this past year and has been nervous about getting canned himself. I don't blame him. Up until now, we've hoped he could hold onto his job to afford me the privilege of working for the school. I make just a smidgen over $16,000 a year. Yeah....surprise! I'm not in it for the money. My monthly paycheck pays the house payment and medically insures us and that's about it. But with Joe's pay, that's all we need from me.

Now I'm worried. As a nurse, I can find a job. I just don't want to.
Crud.

News, Updates and Confessions

I've let a couple of days slip by without posting...
It's like when you put off talking to your best friend and then have so much to tell her, it's easier to just let it slide. (This is my feeble attempt at foreshadowing.)

News:

Our anniversary dinner at Mama Lucia's was very nice after we settled the unfortunate seating incident. They walked us through the bar and down a hallway where we could see many sumptuous booths but then we took a hard right and landed in the back room. Remember the back room at Shoney's where they seated parties of eighty and families with demonic children? The room wasn't quite that bad but they had another family sitting on the same bench just beside us. We were so close, we could have possibly picked up their drinks by mistake! So, I cleared my throat and explained we were celebrating our anniversary and would rather not sit with another family. Trust me, the other family seemed to appreciate my request! So they moved us to a beautiful spot and that was that. I had Leonardo Cannelloni. Crepes stuffed with creamed chicken and Gorgonzola cheese and covered with apples, walnuts and a Brandy sauce. It was very tasty! Joe had lasagna because that's what men eat. And Garfield.

Joe splurged and sent me a dozen long stemmed roses for our anniversary. They are beautiful and he was very proud of himself. He's never sent long stem roses before. He received something called a "Audio Buddy" but I'm not sure what it does. It's something that pertains to recording beautiful music.

Sam was once again the hero when dad fell and couldn't get up the other day. They were racing and running toward the building on the driveway. Dad said something "pulled loose" in his leg and he fell on the pavement and hit his head and his knees. He reports it must have knocked him out. He said he was running as fast as he could so it was a "good" fall. Sam ran into the house and said, "Grandmama, Pa has fallen and I think he might be dead. He can't talk to me." Now, that's serious talk from a four year old and I'm sure my mother almost died herself when she heard it but she said than ran out with Sam leading the way and by the time they got there, dad had come to and rolled over. He just couldn't get up without a little extra help. He is 67 years old after all. All seems well now. It could be something serious but I'm choosing to believe he just pulled a muscle. I asked him why he was running so hard and he answered, "You can't let a four year old beat you." That's my dad in a nut shell. Ironically, he went down in the exact spot he swept the water from after the mud puddle incident.


Updates on:

Knitting- I've worked on it twice. Zoe managed to sneak into my bedroom and unfurl all of the yarn. Not pretty.

Cleaning- All of our clothes are washed and the kitchen is clean but the house still seems to droop. Maybe it's the stained carpet and worn out furniture.

Weightloss- Haha! You thought I forgot, didn't you? Nope. Never! I've gained and lost and lost and gained the same five pounds since I mentioned the diet and exercise. I'm now down the five pounds and plan to walk my butt off on the treadmill while the frigid weather ensues.

Sleeping- I don't want to talk about it. OKAY! I do. It's just so soul sucking, this wandering aimlessly in the night, searching for a bed that isn't soaked in urine. Lately, Sam has done well. He only reports to our bed if he's wet. He hasn't been wet lately. But Zoe is now in the daybed and just gets up for the sheer heck of it. Sam would just stand quietly by the bed doing his best alien observation impression but not Zoe. She takes it one step further and probes you with "devices" such as your nose with her fingers or your mouth with the nightlight. She also likes to lick and/ or bite. I thought Sam was weird but she's turning out to be a stone cold freak. The other morning, I woke up and walked out of the bedroom into the hall, turned right to go to the bathroom and almost knocked myself unconscious. I'd ended up in Zoe's bed and didn't know it. Two canvases and one candleholder with many tealight candles later, I was in a big disoriented heap on the floor. I don't like it and it annihilates all hope of morning sex. You know it's bad when a wife is dreaming of morning sex...

Confessions:

I've had this blog for more than six months and I didn't tell my best friend, Melody, about it. I have a MySpace account and for awhile, I copied my blogs over there so it's not like she was missing a lot but...she is my best bud and I should've told her earlier. She's signed up as my very first follower. I love it! Very cultish in a nice un-scary way.

So, Mel sent me the best video EVER today. She called it bizarre but I think it's pure gold. And even though Mel found it, I'd like to dedicate it to Fern. I couldn't find one that addressed all of your specific needs but the way things are cycling through your household, this one should apply sooner or later. Please laugh at this and feel better.

My New Internet Boyfriend

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Self-Knowing Creative Romantic

So, my newest internet boyfriend (it's just a joke, folks!) posted this little quiz earlier and I was interested to see if we were alike or different according to the quiz. We have much in common, indeed. I wonder if he, too is looking for a cliff from which to ocean dive? Check out his blog. It's nice.

Clint Eastwood Is Still Seriously Cool

We went to see Gran Torino, the new Clint Eastwood movie, last night. I can't believe Eastwood's 78 years old now! I gave Joe a choice between the Brad Pitt-Benjamin Button movie and The Reader, in which Kate Winslet's thirty-something year old character has an affair with a fifteen year old boy. Joe chose neither. He looked at me kinda funny and just kept driving to the other theater. I have a reputation for picking bad movies. As it turns out, Joe knew what he was doing. Gran Torino was great and Clint Eastwood was awesome.

Going To The Sunporch

Two people who belong together make a world - Hans Margolius


Today is our fifth wedding anniversary. When my fifth anniversary with my ex-husband rolled around, I was entertaining homicidal ideation. Today, the only plans I've made are for babysitting, dinner, movie, hot lovin' and a full night's sleep without wee small children running us out of our own bed. My, how times have changed...My best friend tells me that Joe is the perfect man for me and I agree. He helped me fill a hole I'd shoveled crap into for over a decade. And when he did that, he saved my life.

We were married by a retired judge on her sunporch. It was painted a terrible shade of something and was very cramped. It cost around $60 and took all of five minutes. We kept it a secret from our families but met a few friends at the bar where we'd met through a mutual friend a year and a half before. We drank and danced and went home happily married.

Shirred Dress On, Ready To Party

Me + shirred dress


Sexy, studious man reading a journal and wearing sexy jeans , even if you can't see them.


Sexy, studious man eating Doritos while another woman's sexy, studious man smokes his cigarette with style and ponders the hum of the universe.


We are all going to Christy's party!

Debut

Silas "Danger" Perry, son of Stuart and Leah, dodging his very first bullets in the delivery room.


June 25, 2008



For Carmi's photographic theme: New

Stop, Rant And Roll

I usually don't rant on my blog. I'm "not that into" negativity anymore. Oh, I still have mini-fits about things but I usually reserve them for Joe. He's better equipped than most to handle my rampages. They're usually about the general public or my parents. Well, Joe left his phone at home today and you are the only other grownups I know. So, here goes......

I can't speak for the general public but my folks are nice people. They really are. I've worked really hard to get past a lot of what I believed were flaws in their parenting skills. Parenting is hard and I understand that they meant well. I used to do things to act out against them but they were the sorts of things you could never share with your parent so it never quite "hit the spot" like it should.

My life is good and I have a wonderful family. It's just that my parents live in our back yard. Rather, we live in their front yard. My folks had "new house" fever and we had "any old house" fever. I'm an only child and they'll more than likely need support and care before we know it so it was the best decision we could have made. We live in their old house and pay for their new house. My parents also provide childcare for the ninnies. We've gone round and round about this. We're all sort of locked into the present arrangement and do the best we can.

Well, yesterday it was hovering around 68 degrees and Joe went out with the kids. They've been in the house far too long and wanted to play in a puddle beside the driveway. I was not outside but I looked out from time to time and they seemed to be having a fabulous time. Joe brought them back to the house after a little while and was visibly irritated. My dad walked out and busted them. He put a big stop to all the fun. Then he proceeded to sweep off the slightly dirty water from "their" driveway for like, thirty minutes.

I hate it when stuff like this happens. My parents were pretty rigid with me. I missed out on plenty. I was protected, you see. I don't want the same for my kids. I want them to be able to play in a puddle if they want. I shouldn't have to defend myself or my husband. It makes me feel yucky inside. I was filled with dread over the incident all day today and I knew something would be said. And...it was...just now.

My dad brought the mail and then told me the kids were acting like crazies out in the playroom. They don't approve of kids jumping off of chairs or jumping on the sofa. They don't approve of toys being strewn. It doesn't bother me that much and if it did, I'm only one person. Those two little ones are like an army of children at times! Anyway, he asked if I'd seen what Joe did and wanted to know if Joe was mad about what he said. I told him he wasn't but I figured they were. He said, not mad but disappointed. I'm familiar with that phrase. I heard it everyday of my teenagedom. Then he went on to describe how my children were soaked and would have pneumonia like street urchins. He described the saddest sight ever. They did have wet shoes and their pants were a little wet. But he acted as if Joe had them chained to a tree or sent them for a hike in the snow, you know? It was not like that, folks.

He pointed out it was January. I pointed out it was almost 70 degrees. He pointed out again that they would have pneumonia. I explained that they were both healthy and shouldn't reap any ill effects. I tried, for the one billionth time, to explain the mechanics of pneumonia but he wasn't interested. Then he got fired up and said he guessed I wouldn't care since I never take them to the doctor when they're sick. My parents usually do take them to appointments but they've always insisted they do it. so then, I just gave him a look and closed the door. He walked off.

Now I feel shitty. I always feel shitty for standing up for myself. I'm too old to feel like that. Aren't I? I've tried setting boundaries and speaking honestly about my feelings but then they just cry. Let's all just cross our fingers that the kids don't get sick. Someone should probably pray on it.

This One's For You, Prunella!

Oh, PJ....

I had oatmeal for breakfast. And I forgot about this meme when you sent it back on December 19th. Oh and I looked up the definition of meme. Here is a definition: A contagious idea that replicates like a virus, passed on from mind to mind. Memes function the same way genes and viruses do, propagating through communication networks and face-to-face contact between people). In my defense, December is a very busy month.

Here we go:

1. What do you like best about yourself? If you could change one thing what would it be?

I like the life I am living. Oh, there is plenty of room for improvements but for the first time in my life, I feel a true sense of peace (at least occasionally). After almost seven years together, Joe still rocks my socks. Logan seems happy. The little ones, The Screaming Ninnies, are my redemption. I love my job. I have a few good friends. Eight years ago, I would have bet my life that I would never be happy again. And now? It's good stuff.

Change. Hmmm...I would eradicate the guilt I feel inside about a host of things. And I wish I had a cat.


2. Have you ever pictured your own death? How do you think you'll exit this world?

Sure. Everyday. I'm not kidding. When I was a child it was all about guns. I was afraid of lots of things but we didn't have a resident boogey man, Jaws or a graveyard next door. We had guns and I knew all about them. I had a recurring dream of being shot and lingering and suffering before dying. So until my late twenties, I felt I would die of a gunshot wound. Now I'm just afraid of getting cancer. Cancer is taking folks just like us out everyday and don't you believe any differently!

3. Aliens exist and have been to our planet - yes or no?

Part of me stopped believing in aliens, ghosts, and angels when I stopped believing in God. Don't be sad. I just mean that part of being agnostic for me is embracing the "wondering, what if?" My husband had a humbling experience that he can't explain but describes in great detail and he's not the kind to go all wonky in the head. So in that aspect, I admit there are many things we may never know or understand.

4. If I opened up your medicine cabinet right now what would I see?

Our medicine cabinet is in the kitchen and it is full of junk. Coffee cups, toys too small for Zoe, and a bunch of pharmaceuticals. Unfortunately, we never have what we need. Never.

5. What did you have for dinner last night?

Leftover spaghetti...
It was good.
I put cinnamon in my sauce.
Don't knock it until you've tried it.

Golf Widow Learns To Knit

I'm really not learning yet. I have no supplies. No needles. No yarn. Just the "want to" as my dearly departed grandmother would say. I'm going to buy some supplies with my birthday money this afternoon. I'm excited. I embroider and cross stitch but needles and small children do not mix. I need a portable hobby that won't send anyone to the ER. And I have nervous, flappy hands. Is knitting good for that?

I've been watching videos about the process. My first question was how to get the yarn on the needle. I've learned this is called "casting on" and here it is, in all it's YouTube glory. I like this lady. The other girl was too "hip" looking and even though she busted out some sweet rhymes to help you remember where to go, I prefer to learn to knit from someone who means extra special serious business.


I've been thinking about painting but my paints are so old and I have a few smaller canvases but they aren't so great. I don't know. It's going to be more expensive than I can afford to get all of the painting supplies updated. I will eventually get this done. Just not today and not tomorrow...or the day after that. Maybe after our tax refund...

I found this video and decided to post it in honor of all the fabulous artists who just look for any old excuse to clean their brush.


So, I'm soon to knit. Soon and very soon...knitting, me...
Yeah, I know...
I know.

She Did It In The Kitchen With The Sprayer

Glory Hallelujah!

Ed stopped by and gave us the final diagnosis today. It's not that serious, after all. It's the sprayer. That's simple and until we get the gasket, just pulling it over into the sink keeps the water from dripping into the cabinet below. The kids love flashlights and water so they were in from the beginning. We made it a whole family affair. Who knew you could get all of us plus one skinny Irishman under the kitchen sink!

Now, on to answer some questions that have been hanging in the air:

1. I lost the Christmas cards and didn't find them until today. No one has been left out. And yes, you're still getting them. Who wouldn't want a picture of my fabulous children posing with a very phallic Sir Topham Hatt?

2. I do have a southern accent but it isn't too bad. I've done a lot of work to hone it down into something manageable. All the hard work goes out the window if my parents or anyone over the age of sixty speaks to me. Then I sound like I'm eating corn through a picket fence.

3. I have a collection of letter openers. Any one of them can make hasty work of any old letter, even the kind with a billion stickers on them.

4. The dinner was a big hit. I didn't burn anything. It was all very good and I received many praises. It made me feel really loved.

5. Cream cheese is the secret ingredient.

6. Yes, Mel, I do want to learn to knit! Yes! Yes! Yes! I can't believe you asked me! You never ever ever never like to do anything crafty. How can it be? I'm overcome. And just look! If we learn how to knit and then knit something for someone other than our significant others (simultaneously), we can do this little duet together. You be the blonde. She reminds me a little of Trisha Yearwood and you're more pear-shaped than I am, anyway.

2009

Well, the party didn't happen. Rather, it happened, we just weren't there. Babysitting plans fell through and the kids were in a horrible mood. We had to put them to bed by 8:30pm. Joe said he was getting too old to stand out by a bonfire and freeze his butt off anyway. Our friends called and said they might come over so we settled in and set in watching Dick Clark. That was rough. Poor Dick. Now, after his unfortunate medical incident, he just doesn't put a very uplifting spin on things. So we flipped channels for awhile but faithfully switched back to hear Dick slurring the final countdown to the grand finale (or would it be grand beginning?)...(the Clinton's threw the switch) and gave each other the customary kiss. Then we sunk back into the sofa and promptly fell asleep. No booze needed.

It was very nice and probably just what the doctor ordered. It gave us some time to reflect on 2008 happenings. Joe teased me about my own unfortunate incident last new year's eve. We went to a local establishment and I imbibed far too much. My eyes went funny. Everything moved in slow motion and became very streaky. It looked like this.

Notorious Local Poet


My BFF


Smokey Joe

And then I puked in my coat.

So....(I can't figure out an appropriate segue)....so.

I'm preparing a bit of a New Year's Day-Night feast tonight. I've always wanted to make a big "holiday" dinner but Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been taken. I decided to adopt New Years Day dinner as "my dinner". I can't wait to smell those greens and dressing cooking. I'll finish with the apple dumplings a la mode and you would just die if you knew what you were missing!


(I really like the idea of finishing my postings with a video that applies (or maybe doesn't) to my topic. I think I'll start now.)

Ah. We've scratched it into the headboard and tucked another one beneath our belts. Makes me wonder how many I'll ring in altogether. And how many will go on and on and on without me...